By: Mia L. Hazlett
I posed this question on Facebook and in a few conversations at work and other conversations some weeks ago.
“Question to my single moms out there, say you had your own place, car, decent income to support yourself and children, would you consider a serious relationship with a man who does not have all/some of the above? Would you consider living with someone who was willing to do the stay at home thing, while you work, because the income you make is enough and what he makes is just enough to cover daycare?”
Again, I’m old school and I’m beginning to think primitive in my thinking. Some women who responded were not single and some had no children, but there were single women who responded. The overall consensus, women had no problem with a man staying at home while she worked. On the opposite end, the men who responded and whom I spoke with, looked down upon this “new age” man. Granted some were family members, but for the non – familial male input, it was conditional.
I think it’s different if you’re married and your husband loses his job (conditional). Life circumstances cannot be controlled. But there were a few instances where this “new age” man, wasn’t taking on the role of the “traditional” housewife. In two instances, this househusband was considered invaluable in the dropping off and picking up of the children at daycare. What in the damn? I mean it works for the wife, so who am I to say anything? But to not work and not raise and take care of the children all day, that blows my mind. But again, whatever makes the marriage work.
Some asked, why am I so concerned? Both of these households, where the man stays home and does…whatever, have young boys. I’m sure they are not the only households who operate this way, but what happens when my daughters meet these boys. Will I have a problem with a young man who won’t be able to provide for my daughter? Yup. Will I have a problem if my daughter is pregnant and their husband is sitting at home, while she works an eight or nine-hour day, oh yeah, all the while making a human being? Yup.
I understand times have changed. I comprehend you have to do everything you possibly can to make relationships/marriages work. However, I find one of the invaluable lessons I can pass onto my daughters so they may live out their fantasy game of House, is a work ethic. The way I pass this lesson onto my daughters is by maintaining an 18-20 hour day at least five days a week. Although their father does not live with us, they know he works as well. They know they have, because we work. Every man in their lives, work. I’m not capable of telling them it’s okay to NOT work for what you want or depend on someone else to get it for you. It’s just not the way I was raised or the way I believe they will survive in the real world.
I guess I can only hope and pray for my children’s happiness. If they happen to stumble across a man, who chooses to stay home and take care of the kids, or not, then I will have to respect that. Because ultimately I will have to accept, maybe that is how he was raised. Maybe his mother was head of the household, so that is now his expectation of my daughter.
3 thoughts on “She’s Head of the Household”
Hmmm, I think I could if he meets all my needs and we click, connect. I believe when it come down to it, personally, how anyone makes me feel whenever I’m with them means a lot more to me; at this stage in my life.
I hear you. For me, I do need you to somewhat have what I have or be close to achieving them. I guess the most important thing is goals. If you’re unemployed with no goals and are hoping to have what I have(my home, car, dinners, vacations) than I need for you to be able to assist with maintaining/achieving them. Because it took a lot of hard work and savings for me to have what I have.
For example, I would date a guy who was currently staying with his parents because he had been through a divorce and wife got everything. Now he is trying to get back on his feet and saving money to do so. I’ve been there. But if you’re a grown man who lives with your mama because it’s cheaper and easy, we are just not on the same page.
Yep, I totally get what you’re saying and I’m with you. I’m not taking care out no grown man with no goals. I believe people always can smell a rat a mile away. Like the two examples you gave we can usually tell when and what we will put up with. It’s just that it’s good to not be closed off. Because you never know in what package God will send our husband or wife.