By: Mia L. Hazlett
I was standing in line waiting for my food the other day, while listening to two ignorant women talk. One said to the other, “his ass hasn’t paid in like a month because he got laid off. I told him whatever. If he wanted to take Stevie, he was going to have to pay up. He had the nerve to get mad. He thinks I still want him. Doesn’t he know I’m a strong independent woman, I don’t need no man or drama?”
One saying I have dropped from my life, “Strong independent woman. I don’t need a man.” I get it, there is a difference between needing someone in your life and wanting someone. If you are not gay and a woman, and you desire to be married, uumm… I don’t care how strong and independent you are, you need a man to fulfill that desire. Does that make you weak or does that make the statement just bravado?
Now we could argue all day and go back and forth with need versus want, to each their own. I have a problem with this saying because some women have allowed it to go to their head. I don’t care if you need or want a man in your life if you are a single woman who does not have children. The problem I have is with those mothers who chant this, but don’t realize the child will always need the man they profess to not need. Children NEED their fathers. NEED.
The thing is, if you check in your genital area and cannot find a penis and testicles, you are not a man. So if you are the woman who chants that you are the mother and the father…uuummm, no you’re not. You cannot be a father. You can be a damn good mother, who kills herself to provide for her family, but you can never be a man. I get if he runs off, never to be heard from again, or doesn’t care to be part of your child’s life. That is NOT what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about the man who wants to see his children, but may not have the adequate child support. That’s right! I don’t care if he’s not paying child support. If he wants to see his kid, let him. The lack of child support has nothing to do with your child. That’s right, I said it. That has to do with you, him, and the courts. I’m not saying you don’t deserve child support and he doesn’t have an obligation to pay. I’m saying, child support and visitation are two totally different things. Quite honestly, I believe the child who is visiting with their father is going to end up happier in the long run, than the child who never knows the other half of their genetic make-up, but the child support is being paid.
The thing is, get over yourself. Being a strong independent woman, who doesn’t need a man, has nothing to do with co-parenting. Your child NEEDS their father in their life, regardless of if you want them in yours. You made the adult decision to spread your legs to this man and conceive. Now it’s time to be an adult and you don’t need to be a strong independent anything. You need to be a responsible mother.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett