By: Mia L. Hazlett, Featuring Special Guest: Ken Pires
So I was browsing on my Facebook page when I came across an interesting statement by a friend:
BACK IN THE DAYS WE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL & DID OUR HOMEWORK NO GAME PLAYING. WE TOOK OUR SCHOOL CLOTHES OFF WHEN WE GOT HOME & DID NOT GO OUTSIDE & PLAY IN THEM! WE DIDN’T SIT & LISTEN TO GROWN UPS TALK. WE LEFT THE ROOM UNTIL COMPANY LEFT. WE ATE WHAT WAS COOKED OR NOTHING @ ALL! WHEN TOLD TO DO SOMETHING WE DID IT!! WE DIDN’T SAY I WILL DO IT LATER. I’M THANKFUL FOR THE OLD DAYS BECAUSE IT MADE ME THE PERSON I AM TODAY!
At this point, there are over 100 people who “Like” the post and over 30 comments of support. I loved it so much I had to ask him to guest on my blog because this blog is not just about me raising my kids the way I want to, but also sharing other’s views on child rearing. This post just stood out to me because it reflected my upbringing. I wanted a man’s perspective as to how he blends his own upbringing with the manner in which he raises his son today. Please welcome Ken Pires.
I have one son, Myles, and I’ve been married 11 years to my awesome wife, Denise. I would say everything I posted is accurate as to how I approach parenting my child. I want to instill a lot of the “basics” when it comes to raising my child. Things like being polite (saying please, thank you, sir, ma’am, holding doors for people, looking people in the eye and standing straight up when they speak, speaking clearly, and give a firm handshake.) I want my son to be thankful for what he has and be willing to give and help out the less fortunate, along with being “well-rounded” in life by having a tremendous amount of common sense, respect for authority and adults, being mindful of his surroundings at all times, and most importantly I want him to BE A GENTLEMAN!
I am NOT my son’s friend. I will be friendly like my dad told me, but I AM HIS FATHER and I want him to always see me as such! My son is 8 and I love him more and more each day. I play a large part of my son’s upbringing. My wife and I work very well in how we handle things with him…everything from discipline to family time to play time. We often like to keep him guessing in how we do things because we never want to be predictable as parents and definitely do not want to be complacent. It’s a work in progress everyday and we love the challenge.
My wife and I discipline in various ways. I’m a firm believer that fear breeds respect. I don’t put my hand on my son, but I will get loud and in his face if I need to get my point across. I do follow-up with some positive reinforcement by talking to him about my reaction, so he understands I still love him ,but his behavior will not be tolerated. I am 41 and I still respect and fear my parents because I HAVE TO. I love the fact that they were tough on me and I will use many of those old-school tactics with my son. I TELL PARENTS ALL THE TIME TO STOP TRYING TO BE YOUR KIDS FRIEND! YOU ARE THEIR PARENT AND IT COMES WITH SOME VERY HARD DECISIONS TO MAKE. BEING THEIR FRIEND IS THE EASY WAY OUT!
My wife is a little more diplomatic in her approach so we balance each other out…she tends to give him choices. I don’t! By the time it gets to me, he ran out of choices! (LOL) It comes down to; I just believe you have to be EXTREMELY ENGAGED IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE IN ORDER TO REALLY BE EFFECTIVE!
Ken Pires, 12/28/11
Mia L. Hazlett 
As a young father I feel mostly the same way. Kids look for direction and protection. Their friends are people their age.
I prefer my kids get angry with me every now and again, but respect me, rather than love me all the time and not give a crap what I have to say.
Parenting can be the toughest job you will ever have. Kids present new challenges continuously because they keep growing and changing, and the issues grow and change with them.
As parents our most important job is to make sure our kids feel loved and valuable for who they are (not what they do). It is my biggest struggle, and my biggest joy all at once!
Tom, I couldn’t agree with you more. I find parenting to be the toughest job because your role changes continuously and for me at least, there is no option to quit. I must meet every new challenge I’m faced with. Sometimes I am 100% confident in the manner in which I handled the situation. Sometimes I know I could have handled it differently. And there are those times that my kids have gotten over on me, because I’ve finally learned how to choose my battles. But overall I agree it is my biggest struggle and joy all at once.